Looking around at schools to put my baby bear into. Omg, so excited but at the same time not, my baby is growing up too fast. 😞 Gonna make some calls tmm & figure out this school stuff for him. 😣

I feel like I just have a huge lack of motivation at this time in my life. Like, I still get some important things done but I need motivation, that extra little push, to actually begin to work towards the bigger things. Ugh 😖😔

Dude srsly, I feel like I just fucking wrote this like 2 wks ago & it was actually a month ago. Time flies by way too fucking fast I’m beginning to hate it. So much for my goals man fr, it’s not like I’m going to stop working towards my goals cus I didn’t get them done when I originally wanted to but damn it sure is a discouragement. Now that I’m writing this I might as well update on what has been actually going on since the last time I wrote on here about my personal life. Well, it’s been about a month & in this month I got a job & now am no longer working. I got hired about 3 weeks ago, I went in for a working interview, which I wasn’t even aware that that’s what it was, I thought it was just a regular interview smh. But yeah I started working ever since that day & kept going. It was a pediatric dentist. They went ahead & paid me what my last fucking job paid which I wasn’t too happy w but it really wasn’t that bad so whatevs I had better hours too, 745am to 5pm which for some time while I was there was 9am to 5pm, your regular 9 to 5 job which was mon-fri. Thursdays were really chill days as well as Fridays, especially since on Fridays we would go home early. Now to why I stopped working, lord the hassle it was for me to get down there. I had to wake up at 545 & get to my mom’s at 615 since we would leave at 600 & do my makeup & drop Daniel off w my mom so she could take him to the babysitter, I had to rush to the bus if I wanted to get to the bus on time to make it to work at 745, if I was going in at 900 I would wake up at 600, leave the house at like 615 cus of me getting ready & get to my mom’s at 630, chill out or eat till 730, start doing my makeup & head to the bus at like 805, get to work at 900 but some days the bus would get there late so I would get there at like 905 sometimes 😒 then I would get out at 5 & have to sit around & wait till 545 till jorge got there since he would pick me up. I felt like the trip there was too much of a hassle & for 9/hr which is what they were paying me, like the money wasn’t worth it for the amount of shit I had to pay, like babysitter, transportation, misc & I wanted to get a car asap but w that money I felt like it would’ve taken me some time. Anyways, long story short, I missed a few days, got late a few days, got caught doing shit I wasn’t supposed to do like 2 or 3 times lol idk how I didn’t get my ass fired but yeah I quit & it was becus of the hassle it was for me & I was making all these ppl do all this crap for me so I could work. My mom dropping off daniel, jorge picking me up, jimmy losing sleep to wake up earlier to drop me off, me taking public transit which I hate. It was just too much I felt. And well jorge is looking to get another van pretty soon, & once that happens I get the Camry, I’d rather wait & look for something better, closer & better paying, as well as wait for the car so I won’t have to worry about rides for myself or daniel. Wait for the time to be convenient I guess or the job. I felt so stupid for quitting tho, I felt like some ppl may have it harder but still do what they gotta do to make money, how much ever money it may be. But, I mean, what’s done is done, now just to give it time. I wanted to work on potty training Daniel too in these next few weeks before I start working again so he could just go to school & I won’t have to worry about babysitter. Just giving it time but still working towards it cus I am still currently sending endless resumes out. As well, my babes job just contacted me yesterday which may have been for an interview for the job. I have to call them back later today, & well fingers crossed that I get the job. I will be getting much better pay, working good hours, 8am to 4pm, mon-fri, me & jimmy could drop Daniel off where ever he has to be in the morning & then just head straight to work or however but I won’t have to worry about transportation to or from work which will be awesome& so convenient. Obviously, sometimes you gotta get out your comfort zone or whatever is convenient for you to make ends meet or just to make money period but at this time I don’t think I am ready for that. Anyways, that concludes that whole job thing. I made this into a super long fucking story man, my next post will be my update on my goals I guess.

I think I got inspired to write that long ass post about drugs becus of the documentaries & shit that I was watching about psychedelics & mj. 😂😳😌😣

Drugs

My beautiful Mary Jane & Psychedelics 👀😣😳 Their are so many other names for marijuana…weed, mary jane, kush, loud, cannabis, etc. & so many different strains & I have yet to try them all. I know I’ve tried tropical, cheese, something punch, purple haze or something like that, shit you could smell from a good distance, so many man I lost count. Of course y’know I got high as shit tonight & I did about two days ago too. We stopped smoking on weekdays since me & Jimmy started working again which is a whole nother subject & we only did it on weekends but we’re slowly but surely getting back into the routine of doing it on weekdays too smh 😣 It’s an addiction which I feel like my babes might be addicted sort of but I tbh feel like I’m not, I feel like I could let it go & it ain’t no big deal, I won’t go constantly getting more & more. I feel like I only smoke cus Jimmy buys it like 95% of the time. I can’t wait to schmoke tmm cus ima go to sleep high af w my babes as well as wake up together from a night of being high as shit lol since he doesn’t work sat & sun & tmm is friday. Plus tmm we probably gonna be smokin’ w nico so it’ll be fun I guess for it to finally be another person besides just us 2. But yeah man, that mj is somethin’. Now, psychedelics, something I have never ever tried but deff something I am very curious to try. I honestly do wanna trip on a crazy hallucinogenic drug. I wanna go on a mind trip beyond the simple weed stuff. Like, it’s not something I want to maybe build a habit w or do once in a while, no. It’s simply something I wanna do before I die. I feel crazy saying that cus I’m a mother but to be quite honest, it’s not for the drug itself, I just want the crazy mind trip it gives. If their was something simple like candy that could give me a crazy mind trip like that does then I’d take the candy over the drug any day. And, as well, w psychedelics I think the only ones well that I know of are, lsd, ketamine, & dmt. Just once, I wanna try that, not to say that I did it or show it off, but for the personal experience it may give me. Drugs man drugs.